Friday, 30 December 2011

Loose ends

Yeah, this post isn't going to be anything special, just getting a few things down. So, I really enjoyed christmas this year. I got some amazing presents as I am incredibly spoilt, but I'm not going to complain :) eating christmas dinner was quite fun, nothing special and I do wish my grandparents had come down to spend christmas with us, but my mum never seems to want to see them. I'm not grounded anymore, I THINK, so thats brightend up my holidays- oh, god the holidays. There's so little time left! Okay, I just had a full on melt down because I couldn't remember where the "!" on my keyboard was and I thought I was going crazy. But yeah, so little time of the holidays left. And even less of 2011! Just one more short day. Still, a new year :) my resolution is to stop spending so much money; me and one of my best friends have an agreement that neither of us can spend anything for 6 months starting January 1st. If one of us breaks this, we must then kill the other and then kill ourselves (what can I say, we were tired but a pacts a pact). This all came about after our BIG shopping trip to reading where we managed to spend £140 between us- none of it on food though and I'm proud of that. Oh yeah, thats another thing,; I'm not eating as much, like junk and whatever :) I'm completely off chocolate on the moment and even kitkats seem to be on their way out which is quite a scary thought. Still noodles and chicken and chips are still here :) I'm pretty happy; oxfam tomorrow, buying crimpers (doesn't count that I'm spending money, it's still 2011 technically :P) my grandmas making me another small quillow type thing, as I've lost my other one which is quite sad, but hey ho, going to a panto with a friend, and virtually no homework got set for me during the holidays :O so, I guess I hope you all have a great 2012- enjoy yourselves!

Friday, 23 December 2011

It's upon us!

So, it is nearly christmas!! But I can't seem to make up my mind whether I'm excited or not. It's just come so quickly, it still feels like it's september but tomorrows christmas eve! It's so random, I swear it's just sneaking up on me. Nonetheless, I like the feelings that are in the air. My fairy lights trailed accross my room, my socking with my name embroidered on it, because my friend is AWESOME hung up on my shelf; walking throught town yesterday and hearing music and seeing the wonderfully tacky decorations in Newbizz market place; and then walking into the sitting room at the Ace Gang Fake Christmas, and everyone under their blankets and the tree in the corner lit up and twinkling. The start of this holidays been so up and down, a sleepover, then grounded, then Fake Christmas, so I can't help but think there's something bad around the corner waiting to pounce. I know I'll enjoy christmas when it's here, but it'll just be over so soon. Oh well, it'll be fun :) then I guess a whole new year. I'm really sad to say goodbye to 2011, it's been such a good year personally. But yep, new year! I can struggle through another one. Hopefully :L

Friday, 2 December 2011

Quiet weekends

It's a friday night. Well, more evening but you wouldn't know that by looking outside where it's pitch black. I never really understood that saying; pitch black. What's a pitch? Are you talking about a football pitch? I mean, what are you trying to say, that it's as black as a pitch..like what? What are you trying to say? But alas. So, it's a friday night. If I was doing what I wanted this evening, I'd be at my best friends house, probably having a cry, a hug, a laugh, a chat with her family, a sing song and our crazy dance moves. Or maybe, at my nerfherders house, with the other two, watching family guy and eating. But considering as I took advantage of the strike and slept over THAT night, it's fairly reasonable that I'm not allowed. Not good, but fair. So, I might as well make the most it.

It's rare for me to be at home on a friday night, but it is quite nice. There's no rush, no high maintenance and even though I'd prefer to be with my girls it isn';t a bad way to spend a night. After making myself  a ham sandwhich, I retreated to my room to watch Desperate Housewives. Right now, I'm sat on my bed, ty-p-ing, wearing a big, comfy jumper, socks and tights, and feeling so cuddly I could quite honestly be a teddy :L my hairs faintly smelling of chlorine from fitness, a smell that I LOVE, my eyes are tired and my lava lamps in background..just lavaing away there. Yeah, I see you. So, even though no plans have been made for this weekend, I can feel a sense of trepidatation and contentness. So, s'all good :)

Sunday, 27 November 2011

Defying technology? *gasp*

So, it's Sunday, which means a family roast dinner for me. It's always such a strange day. We all starve ourselves and don't interact with each other at all before we eat; I stay in my room, as did my brother; my dad goes cycling or for a walk and my mum stays in the kitchen, whipping up the meal. Then just before we're positivly ravenous with hunger and are considering gnawing at the walls, the meal is ready, and we all charge downstairs. Before my brother left for Uni, we'd eat in the dining room and chatter as much as my family is capable of. It was even quite enjoyable. But since my brother's left, we've relocated into the kitchen, and the meal is slightly more downhearted, the chatter less fun.
So, today, here we were sitting, eating, mumbling to each other, and the topic moved to christmas. This made my dad volunteer an idea for Christmas List that made me swallow a too-big mouthful of potate in shock and disgust. He, the man who grew up playing in his extremely large garden, making dens with his many siblings and friends, has decided he wants a Kindle. A Kindle, I ask I you! If you havn't already guessed, Kindles have made there way onto my list of things a despise. A despising-sion list. Why, I hear you cry! I kid. I can actually hear the wind and an odd thumping noise coming from my window. Okay. Why do I hate Kindles? I am a teenager afterall, aren't we supposed to eat, sleep and breath technology? There's a fair amount of truth in that; I curl up in the evenings and switch on Scrubs, whilst texting at the same time. But Kindles just took it one step too far. They've decided to replace books, with a circuit board. Oh joy. Now instead of having a bulging bookshelf, of having dusty old Libraries crammed with history and stories, we're supposed to have a screen. Who thought this was a good idea? "Oh, but it's lightweight. Oh, but it's easy to use. Oh, but the screen makes it look like the page of a book. Oh, but it's so convenient." Listen to yourselves! The whole of the human race has been recording history, since forever, since the Bible, since scribes, since Shakespeare! And now it's just become a pathetic joke of a thing. In a hundred years or so, books may have become a thing of the past. Copies of Harry Potter may be kept in musuems, whilst people fly past, lauging about how old fashioned our generation was, not to use shiny, pretty, downloadable things. Urgh. There was absolutely no reason to abolish books, but we went and did it anyway. I just love the curled pages of a battered book, where the words have faded and you can see tear marks from where the reader has really got into the story. I don't see why we feel we have to replace every single thing with bigger, better, shiner, more advanceds copies of it. Okay. Rant over.

Monday, 21 November 2011

Big city lights, small town billboards..

It never fails to amaze me how many things I overlook. Little things, like how cosy my bedroom is, but especially big things in the world. You know what I mean, those big cliche pictures of vast, blue coeans, or people hugging in the snow or a beautiful sunset. But still, our background on this laptop is default so I get those pictures a lot; they change now and then so I go from staring at an ice floe to a waterfall in the jungle. Still, despite this annoyingly pretty pictures, I came accross one that I imediately fell in love with. It's of some kind of rocky mountain, somewhere hot looking, maybe some kind of desert. The suns low in the sky, giving it some kind of orange glow. The picture was taken high up on this moutain, in a little outcrop, staring out into this huge valley. My description doesn't do it justice, and even though I'm not a poetic person, it really made me think. There's so much I want to see in the world, and I, at some point have to travel to London, Paris and New York, a place I so desperately want to live. So many dreams, and it's incredible thinking that I'm just starting my life really and that I can make these things happen.

Now, the main reason I'm writing this, is because of something that I saw when I was walking home. usually I walk home with a friend of mine, but today she had a drama rehersal so I was walking alone. I used to despise walking home, mainly because I have to walk further than my friend. But now, as it's one of my favourite things, I took this oppotunity to really get lost in my own thoughts. So, I was walking home, reflecting on my day, about the odd sense of loss that gripped me at my breaktime, and I was just coming up to the subway. I looked up, and opposite me, as always, is a tiny retail park containing a car park, a Halfords, a Staples and a Burger King, with a Sainsbury's looming in the distance. As I'm sure everyone who lives in Newbury knows, it isn't a particularly classy place, filled with litter and often many cars as it happens to be between Oxford and Basingstoke. Gum fills the cold, grey pavements and a cold winters afternoon adds to this effect. But as I was staring at this place, my breath was taken away. Instead of seeing this dismal setting, I saw something different. The sun had gone down, leaving the sky a dark grey. The neon, glowing sign of Halfords and Staples was lit up, shining ever so more brightly because of the dark skyline. Cars were wooshing past me, their clean, pure headlights lighting up the plain roads and making them look unrecognisable. The whole image was overwhelmingly beautiful, and it was one of those moments that literally makes you stand still and look. I wish I had a camera on me, or a phone with a camera that worked at the time because I would've liked to capture the moment. It made me think, that however much I despise Newbury at times, there is a hint of perfectness in the dullness of it, hidden deep though it is. Maybe there's a hint of city light's in it somewhere.

Thursday, 10 November 2011

Happy birthday, shout it out!

So, it's your birthday! And you asked for a post, I said yes, and now I am ty-p-ing. Not even kidding, earlier today when I was like "You're 15!" and you were like "No...I'm not.." I was like whatdafuck!? Literally mini freak out in the space of three seconds before you added "I was born at one minute to midnight!" :L I love you though. Well, not even though. Just I love you. Unconditionally and completely. Probably unhealthily so. Too much Beth is unhealthy? Noh! Never. Mine :)
You're so funny
so witty, so sweet, so right there, so "this is what's on my mind. deal with it." ,so pretty, so likeable, so lovely, so so so amazing in everything you do. Yeah, band two! :'L honestly going to cry when you get into oxford and I'm just like "Yeah. Swansea." I'm so happy I'm here to help you celebrate this day; I'm so happy YOU'RE happy! I'm glad to think that maybe I might've made a bit of difference in your life since I've entered. Maybe :L we have so many memories and in-jokes, some of which are just looks; of course the classic gnash face :')
That is one of the many, many things I love about you. Some evenings when we just sit, on your sofa, my bed, your bed, WHEREVER, we just sit and laugh, and hold surprisingly intelligent conversations. You know exactly how to make me laugh, and how to make me smile, and how to look after me. Just sitting down, hugging, talking, with you in your fairytale of a bedroom is perfect. You're brilliant and I'll never stop marvelling at that. I still remember that conversation we a while ago, started off my me saying "I'm hungary." of course follow by your "Czech the fridge" response :'D ahhhh, you're unbelieviable and pretty much my favourite person to have met. And I'm lucky to have met you, lucky to have you put up with me and I love you, like always :)
so here's the post...enjoy it along with the text and the card :L <3

Monday, 7 November 2011

Just smile, why the hell not? :L

Okay, I just want to say this isn't a post saying I'm having the best time in my life right now or anything :L just recently, nothings been particually perfect, nothings been terrible, but I've just been so HAPPY. Not with everything, not at all; it's just I've been enjoying things more. Things I used to dread, I make the most of. Things I love, I treasure. I'm in such a positive mood in my life! I still want to punch my mum in the face. With a book. A lot. I get bored of my clothes. But I'm really pleased with how well everything seems to be going :) I love spending my activity times in a music room, distracting Beth while the Evers lot try to reherse :') I love chatting to Amber,whenever we bump into each other around school:') and I love spending all my free times possible with Nina :') even though today was Monday, a dy we're supposed to dread, I woke up, groaned that I had to get up, but then I stopped and laughed and smiled quite happily. I was glad I had to get up; just I could enjoy all the littel things I love to enjoy, my morning coffee, walking to school, catching up with Pippa, then debating with Sam, Toby and Liam all registration. Every little tiny thing I love recently, has added up to so many big things, they over power all the bad things and it's like ahhhhhhh! :L I'm just..really enjoying year 10 :)

Friday, 21 October 2011

Autumnal feelings...

So, recently I've come to realise how much I love October :) in my opinion its the best month of the year. It's not ridiculously frosty and icy and it's not horribly hot and humid . I love waking up in the mornings, making myself a mug of coffee, putting on my woollen scarf and setting off for Pippa's house at 7:45 in the morning :) I love walking outside when there are hardly any cars around, and the suns still low in the sky so it's shining on the green and trees. I love how its chilly but not enough to get my teeth chattering. October the perfect balance between the leaves still on the trees and the stage when the leaves on the ground have turned soggy and mulchy. I love not having to be high maintinence like in summer, and just wearing oversized jumpers. It's such a comforting month, when I go to bed early and watch Star Wars with a couple of Kitkats. It just puts me in the kind of mood where I can acomplish anything :) whats your favourite month?

Thursday, 13 October 2011

When tidying a room one finds many things..

So, my brother has recently set off for University. It's not as weird as I thought not having him at home would be, but still slightly quieter. Still, it's given me more windows to talk to my family so that’s a plus. Of course, him leaving for Plymouth means we've tidied his room, so its considerably cleaner, with a comfy double bed :) it’s still strange looking around it; it’s still the same colour it was when we were little but it’s got writing on the walls now, and posters, and phased into a less "messy boyish room".
So, of course, I was wandering around in there at the weekend, trying out his bed to see how comfy I found it, when I found an old toy of his. (I have so much more freedom in playing with his toys now; I was NEVER allowed to play with his Hornby -.-) It’s a really amazing toy actually though. I remember the first time he got, and I was amazed by it. Basically it's a clear plastic sphere, with little coloured plastic levels and pathways. You have to turn the sphere all over the place to keep a little silver ball on the paths and you start at point 1 and end at 100. I've been amazed at how much fun I'm having with it :D but its so odd how well I remember it, and how when I saw it in the wardrobe I freaked out because I knew what it was :) Old memories I suppose. New favourite toy!

Friday, 2 September 2011

"You're avoiding me." "No, I'm tired, leave me alone."

Where am I going wrong? This time yesterday, I was buzzing, fast walking, looking forward to seeing a friend. We had a fantastic day together, as always. And for the perfect few hours I was round her house, it was easy to forget that so many of my friends are mad at me, ready to give me the Spannish Inquisition as to WHY I'm avoiding them. Avoiding my friends, the people that I live for? The ones that make every argument with my mum that little bit less painful? The ones that know me completely, and still love me? Just no, okay? I know I havn't seen a lot of some friends, none of others, and an unfair amount of others, but I've been trying to keep it balanced, which is such an exhausting task. Some of you I havn't seen because you've been out with others, some because of holidays, some because I havn't had TIME.
And after sorting everything out for a week or two, I'm so tired, that I'd actually like a quiet day inside. A day when I can just put a DVD on and celebate the fact I've got straight teeth. If that happens to be on the same I'm invited somewhere, which it often does, I'm not going to change my plan. Not because I'm avoiding the person in question, just simply because I'd like to do nothing for a change.
And then the person I love most EVER asked me why I was avoiding her. Well, you know you've done something wrong their don't you? I'm sorry I made her feel like that, but it's completely untrue. So wherever you're getting this information from, I wouldn't believe it.
I'm not avoiding anyone, I'm not mad at anyone. And if you don't believe that, you won't believe anything.

Tuesday, 30 August 2011

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGH!!!!!

I'm so tired. I say that in the way that I do, in the voice that I have when I get frustrated, upset, confused and scared all at the same time and I want to hide away. I feel like I'm THIS close away from a breakdown. Why? Thats what I'm trying to figure out. So...
I'm staring at myself in the mirror, with my hair dripping wet, my jaw clenched, and trying to work out why the face staring back at me is screwed up with fear and worry. I havn't had a bad day, not at all. I woke up on my usual place on the sofa at my Nina's house, which is ALWAYS a good place to wake up. The day has been long. Long and quiet, But not BAD. Nothing bad or remotely terrible has happened, but nonetheless I was sat on my bed, pulling my hair, trying not to think.
I'm not sleep deprived, I'm not crazy. I'm so EXHAUSTED. Exhausted of what? It's the holidays, a time to relax and do whatever the fuck you want. It's a week untill school, untill year 10, which I'm looking forward to, in a way. I think I need the routine back in my life.
But right now, in the longest holiday, the one where you just flop out, I couldn't feel less relaxed. I feel so empty, so "wide-eyed and staring at my walls all day". I feel like I'm sleepwalking, and someone needs to throw a bucket of water over me to fully wake me up.
I want to cry. I want to kick, scream, and force my way out of my life which is slowly compressing me. But WHY!? Maybe its just a phase. Except I've felt like this for almost all of this past year. Constantly paranoid. I can shut it out, but when I'm on my own...it's so unbearable.
Everyone always says to me "I can't imagine you crying." There's truth in that, in a way. I'm a different person when I'm around myself to when I'm around people.
I'm sick of trying to please people. People constantly pulling me this way and that, so I have no time to think. No time to myself. I'm not getting at anyone, I love the people in my life to pieces, I'm just furiously typing everything I've felt today.
I'm so worried.
I'm so scared.
I'm so frustrated.
No luck in figuring out why though.  Time to watch Star Wars.

Thursday, 25 August 2011

Hatred...and a little bit of love

There are things in this life I hate. Clowns, Kindles, Two and a Half Men, receeding hairlines, but I'd have to say one of my very highest hatreds is foundation. Who the hell made this disgusting creataton!? Who started thinking it was a good idea to get up in the morning and smear your face with some orange paste and decide that you look pretty? Yes, I have worn it back in my younger days but after a week or two it was jsut unbearable. Seeing an oompaloompa staring back at me in the mirror? No thank you. I KNOW people wear it, and complaining about it here won't help anything but itmakes me feel better at least.
However, when my friends wear foundation it is a very different story. One of my best friends who is of the best looking gals I know, wakes up and wears this abomination. Her skin is absolutley perfect but she still wears it? I've yelled and shouting and whined and moaned at her time and time again, and to be air to her the last time I saw her she wasn't wearing any. Nonetheless, if SHE wears it, thats her decision. But now she has started poisoning the minds of my other two best friends, and those unwitting sheep have followed suit. Not one of them needs it and one of them just wants it "because I know I have it."
What sort of logic is this!? Having tubes and powders which they then mush on their perfect faces? Never in my life have I looked at a painted face and thought "Phwoaaaar, I wish my skin looked like THAT!" But these girls still reckon doing this  themselves makes them look attractive. Quite honestly, I see a foundation covered face and want to scream and run in the opposite direction. Is it seriously just me that finds the whole idea of foundation unnatural and alien?
Still, to bring light to an otherwise grumpy blogpost, I will now tell the world of THIS girl. She has been asking to be written about for a long while, and despite her foundation wearing face, I still love her.
This girl, my little asian soul mate, is just...wow. I've seen her so much this holiday, simply because we kept missing each other after a few days. I love evrything about her, in spite of her STUPID MISTAKES. But hey, I'm cool with it. We have such good meaningful dicussions, to days where I just flop out on her sofa. We're so alike in our thoughts :') for instance I can say... "Don't go breaking my heart!" and she will now sing "EEEAAAAAAAIIIIIIIII!" to herself. She's so funny and cute and we can pretty much quote Revenge of the Sith. We never stop laughing or talking or singing Star Wars, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings music. Everyday with her, is a day well spent and I love talking to her family, even if they do laugh at me all the time. I couldn't live without her, she's so brilliant :') Pretty much my other half and I LOVE her. ch is why we ARE going to go to New York to see Tim Minchin, and hear him sing about canvas bags.
I love you Nina! "O-mi-god! A-no-riaaaaght?" <333

Thursday, 4 August 2011

People what I love ;D

So, I'm causally sitting pon the floor of my Dinosaurs room,. listening to someone singing about being a rag doll and pretty much enjoying everything. HAHAHAH Spotify Advertisments :') but I had a point. And the point is my friends. So, I will be writing around the point! Yes! Anyhoo, here's the people who make my world go round;
The best one- This is a girl who's been in my life for such little time compared to others, but in that time...well, it's be impossible to list everything we've randomly done at 5 in the morning. But basically, she's my twin, this random blonde whirlwind. who makes me feel so welcome in her home, with her incredible family- Her mum, who is the loveliest creation ever. Her Dad, who is properly halarious, in an "angry-at-life" kinda way and her adorable Brother who likes me best of all his sisters friends. Hell yeah. She's sweetest, funniest, brilliantest one, who I've told everything there is to know about me to. I'm so so so comforatble with her, we have our moments where we just walk in silence, holding hands just thinking. There's always something new we have to tell each other, and I know we'll never ever fall apart. She's the actual sunshine of my life and oh my god, how I love her :3 it doesn't matter how much we mock and tease each other, because when it comes down to it, we're best friends. There's just the amazing simplicity of it, the effortless as breathing friendship we have...and it's the best.
The soul mate one- This girl is the one I live for. The days when I spend hours flopping out on the sofa whilst she cooks me food, are the days when I feel like candy will fall from the skies and I'll ride a unicorn home. She's THAT great. We have such the same outloook on life, and we're so different yet so similar. She's fucking brilliant. This year I have become closer to her than I ever thought I would be, despite the fact I've known and loved her for a few years now. The funny times we';ve had whilst watching Star Wars for the millionth time are priceless. She's sweet, cute and so strong. The stuff she's been through makes her an amaizng figure to look up to. Or down on considering her height ;D We talk about so much, deep talks and senseless rambles, both of which I live for. She knows herself, and although she doesn't like herself all that much, she knows that it is her and deals with it. If she was here, she'd probably just say "shit happens" in her cute, carefree way. I know she's slightly broken, but nothing will stop her and I lpove her so very, VERY much, my actual sould mate.
The GORGEOUS one- This is a girl who I've known for a little while and have, because of friends, become so much closer to this year. I'm actually in hysterics at some of the stuff she says, she's brilliant. Her life seems so perfect, and I'M A PART OF IT :D I mean, just saying...I actually admire her much, enjoy her company and she's just a little bit beautiful. I could come to her with any problem, and she would open her arms and welcome me with such warmth, I'd probably break down in tears. She'd actually amaaaaazing. Friendly with everyone, and it's hardly surprising considering how charming and lovely she is. I'm glad I know her, and in some ways how grown up with her. She's everything you need rolled into a pair of chipmunk eyes and dimples, and I wan to hug her right now. That lovely gorgeous girl.
The absolutley fantasmically-memories-funny one- This is the one who I see almost everyday, and there's never a dull moment. I'm n ot quite sure what we talk about, it's just a lot of noise and sensless laughing. We're bnoth so stubborn and we fight a lot, but these fights are so petty and funny we can't help biursting out laughing in the middle of them. We're basically telepathic, I'll just look at her, and we'll both know what we're thinking. I have no many in-jokes with her, anyone else would get so confused listening to us. Spending time with her is tiresome, because we spent so much time laughing and running around, it's like we're six years old again. I'm basically her pet, I just casually live under her bed. I'm basically one of the family *break out into Oliver musical style song*  sure, we get under each other skins, but hey, thats from family does. Her absolutely-halarious memories wih me, are so funny.
The cute one!- So many people don't know who this girl is, and I pity them for that. She's the nicest person I know, just simply a friend hrough and through and through. She's lovely to everyone, and gets nothing in return. She's so pretty, and brilliance all over. I don't actually understand how she's so [perfect. It makes me sad. But then, hey she's mine whatever ;D she's so darn cute!
The determined one- this is a person, who have a few select friends, me included :D and is lovlingly prtective of them. Sure, she's bossy, she's freakishly organised, but she's so childish and a fun person to hand around with. We just run around laughing all the time, and we can't be serious ever. I love her family, her life and our holidays memories are the beast.
The sweet one- This girl really is charming. Perfectly easy to get along with, amazingly friendly towards everyone and anyone and lovable, She's shy, she's occasionally blunt, but she's the one you can really trust. Easy to love girl all over really. We have the brain, so we sit otgether in lessons, I make her laugh till the point she can longer breath, but hey. She's just...sparkly.
The childhood bestie- this girl is really something else. Spent four years of my life with her, and I don't reghre one moment of it. We had so much childish fun, at her house, causally getting out all our toys, sharing a love of W.I.T.C.H. And amazing, although we parted in year 6,we're still as close as we can be.She is the funniest person. She can say anything and it'll make me laugh. She's so pretty like a little russian doll, and I love her so much.
The domino one- the first firm friend I made at St barts. She's made my life a whole lot funnier, but also a whole lot darker. She's the cause of darkness in my life, but also the source of excitment so it's a fine line. I still try with her, and I think she's trying too, which I'm glad about. We have brilliant memories, just sitting on her trampoline in the summer. I still love her and I hink thats an achievment.
The old friend- this guy makes me HAPPY. I can really relate to him, wheather its because I've technically grown up with him or just because we're similar. Sill, he's the wise old man figure in my life, the smart one, and the genuine, decent, nice guy. I spent practically a whole year of my life talking to him, and sadly, we have drifted away a bit. Nonetheless, he's a very close friend of mine and I think I'm quite lucky to have him. Especially all our halarious times we've had.
The unique one- his is a girl I am so SO glad to call a close friend. She's so beautiful, with her spikey tufts of hair and messy eyeliner. She's easy to love, and I'm glad I've become such good friends with her. I love having her in my life, and being around her and her amazing sweetness. I'm glad I know she's there and always will be.
The clever one- this random boy, came to be on my list simply because he's so friggin' cool. EVERYONE loves him, and I see him everyday a school. He completely negates the blonde stereotype and is firm friend of mine.

The FUNNY one- MY NEW FRIEND. he has no idea he's on this list, but hey. He's such a good person to be friends with, and I love the fact that I'm gonna be stalking him next year. He's cool.
My blonde friend- I've bonded with this girl over such stupid hings, but it has formed our lovely friendship :') I love taking to her, she's so awsome. She's easy to love and so I do just love her :D

Thats all folks! Thanks for listening! <3

Monday, 25 July 2011

I'mma big girl now :)

I am officially 14! YES, I know YOU'VE been 14 for a whole year now, but I only turned it yesterday -.- it wasn't bad either. Started by sleeping off my sleepless friday night *cough cough*. When I awoke from the land of nod, I stumbled downstairs to find my parents waiting for me and a pile of presentson the table. That famillar feeling of excitment bubbled up, but after 14 years, I know how to control it. So, I casually made myself a coffee, a measly bowl of cereal andout in the garden with my parents. Nonetheless, I'm still Millie Stonebridge, so as soon as I was finished I jumped out of my chair and ran to the kitchen where the shining little gifts waited for me :') within seconds, there was wrapping paper everywhere- I really don't know why they bother wrapping it up for me, I destroy everything :L Anyhoo, me being the spoilt child I am, got a lovely set of things.
-BIG headphones that make me feel cool- My parents
-A beautiful fluffy black-red-sandy coloured scarf- My parents
-Thumbelina on DVD- My parents
-Pochahontas on DVD- My parents
-Sunglasses- My parents
-My very own supply on KitKats- My dad
-Lindor and Galaxy- My brother
-Sparkly nail varnish ;D -Grandparents
-A really pretty bag!- Grandparents
-A beaded bracelet- Grandparents
-A gold andpink stone necklace- Grandparents
- A pop-up waterproof cowboy hat. Seriously. -My Grandma
- A very awsome t-shirt- Millie Robinson
-A me-to-you bear and Polish chocolate- Alicja Ogonek
-A girraffe patterned bikini and a very, very pretty vest top- Heather Smith, Nina Chen and Amberly Davis
-A turquoise vest top and a humming bird necklace- Georgia Radley
-A certifiate that says I am owed a present- Pippa Higgins
-A promise for a present- Louise Fell

And thats the lot! :)
Now...
Holidays are upon us! :') The big one too, not those random little weeks off that lull us into a false sense of security "Oh, sleep in as much as you want, there's no rush! Just kidding, back to school for you!" It's the big six-weeks. And I have a LOT to look forward to! Going to the Isle of White, having a High School Musical marathon with Pippa and FINALLY getting my braces off :')
I. Am. Happy.
Love to everyone, if you're still bothering to read this! <3

Thursday, 21 July 2011

Bad feelings.

Ever get that feeling when you feel like there's a shadow hanging over you? Like you're about to slip and fall down a deep black hole? I seem to be permanently worried these days,

Sunday, 10 July 2011

Lokemon Prainers

LAPTOP USEAGE IS BACK. So, this muct be first blog in a couple of months? Aaaaand I have no idea what to say -.- okay, well, I'm in my lounge. Which I'm hardly ever in anymore...but I remember days I would come home from a long, hard day of learning metric measures and painting, and just flop out on the sofa with a packet of crisps. Then in the evenings, I would lie of the sofa and wait for my Dad to come read me "Harry Potter" or "The Hobbit". Or "Thomas the Tank Engine" :') Ahh, good ol' lounge. With your weird yellow sofas.
Anyhoo, so Friday me and the Gang had a bit of a random birthday bash/get together night. There were'nt as many laughs as I wouldn't hoped, but annoyingly thats always how it is if you look forward to something so much. It's hardly fair. Still, we had catapiller cake which made me happy. I lit it, blew out the candles, made a wish and cut it. It was like they trusted me with fire and sharp knives. Still, I made a very useful wish. But I can't say or it won't come true. Damn. Okay, okay it rhymes with... "Lokemon Prainer." Yes, I wished to be "A lokemon prainer". I mean, you can wait your whole childhood for an acceptance letter into Hogwarts, but when you're an adult it's time to move on. But when your heart is set on being a lokemon prainer, you never have to give up. It's never to late to go out catching...lokemon, with your lokeballs. And when my time comes, I will have practiced so much, those lokemon won't know what hit them. Thats my impassioned speech over. Awkward.

Monday, 30 May 2011

My Perfect Imperfections

A little while ago there was thing buzzing around youtube, (A tag, I think?) talking about 3 things that people liked and disliked about themselves. And basically it was so people with bad body images understood no one was perfect? So, it seemed like a lot of fun, so here are are :)

3 Things I dislikeMy cheeks- GAH. They're so ridiculously round and squishy, which doesn't help my face at all -.- Also, they turn red often, when I'm embaressed or warm, which makes them look even worse. Oh, and this makes my head seem EVEN LARGER than t already is. Babyface :3 I hate people squidging my cheeks, and the last time someone did that, I punched them. So, I REALLY, REALLY don't like it. My voice- Speaking, singing, laughing. ANYTHING. It sounds so bad; croaky, low, flat, so I can't sing. And my laugh is the stupidest thing you've ever heard. Literally "Haha *breath* haha *breath* haha *breath" I desperately hate my voice.

My legs- I've never really liked them. There's nothing majorly wrong with them; in fact my calves are pretty slim, but of course then there's my THUNDER THIGHS :D I just...dislike them. They get bruised easily, and I fall over, walk into things a lot. I have no muscle in them. If I poke it, it flops. It depresses me. OH, and I have such fat knees. I'm not even joking, my friends (Pippa especially) love to sit there poking them, squishing them and making them "talk". GAH.

But it's not all doom and gloom!
3 Things I Like
My hair- I love the colour of it: about every shade of blonde there is. It's quite shiney, although not all that soft, but I love my fringe, the slight natural waves, the way I've finally managed to get it to suit my face and I hardly ever have bad hair days :D I don't do much with my hair except brush it, but it looks nice curled, straightened, back-combed and crimped. Oh, and it is au natural.

My nose- YAY FOR MY NOSE. My mum, my dad and my brother all have large noses. really quite huge. But lucky old me got a lovely, lovely tiny, perfectly shaped, frekcle covered nose. Not ski-nose, not a roman nose, but a cute button nose, I think they're called? :L I like it. If it ever gets broken I will cry.

My complexion- I do really, really like my skin. I'm SO SO SO lucky I don't get spots or blemishes of any kind. The worst I've ever had, is three spots at one point, and they all cleared up within a week. When my face ISN'T red, it is a pretty good pale colour, which I like. Ooo, and it has freckles! I love my freckles. My arms and legs can't make up their mind whether to tan or not, but either way I'm fine with. So, I like my overall complexion. Aaaaaand I despise foundation. If any of bloggers use it, STOP. It disgusts me. Yeah, you look hot painting your face orange. URGH.

Anyhoo, that is all! I hate/love all these things, but simply without them I wouldn't be me. Cliche, I know...but meh. Sleep tight.

Sunday, 29 May 2011

The finer things in life

There are so many things we take for granted. Food, water, shelter...FINGERS. You don't realise how much you use them until you're fingers are dislocated by a basketball in Normandy, and they're taped together for several days. Yes, it happens. Grr. Anyway, I'm sure I had a point to make... Oh right! Well, in this day and age EVERYONE owns some kind of technology. Even my Granny, who is confused by remote controls, owns a laptop. This is hypocrytical seeing as I'm sat here, typing on my laptop, but I'm equally happy cycling with my dad, and talking to the barman. Walking in Wales along the beach. Playing football, wrestling, FIFA, Call of Duty with my brother. Chatting face to face with my friends. Gossiping with my hairdresser. Reading. Sunbathing. Personally, I believe those are the finer things in life. Things that don't cost a penny, that make me smile even more than I already do, and don't involve staring at some kind of screen.
I may be slightly biased in my opinion seeing as I have a dad who grew up in a large family and spent his childhood in his ridiculously large garden, burning down trees, nearly drowning in quicksand, tightroping across an empty swimming pool, making dens and tree houses, playing hide and seek, playing pranks on the other siblings and playing cards. That sounds far more fun, than sitting indoors comunicationg through technology. Wow, I sound like an old man, complainging in a armchair smoking a pipe... it could happen. Life is good. I would just prefer to spend more of it OUTSIDE, having different adventures everyday. I'm an old soul, I guess :L

Wednesday, 18 May 2011

Memories.

Memories are pretty much my favourite thing. They're priceless, don't weigh anything, no-one can steal them and they're YOURS. Your very own, right there in your head, casually swimming around. Is that what memories do? Swim? Or are they more like books, and you pick which one to read next? I personally prefer the swimming one. I have so many fantastic memories. From amazing holidays I've been lucky enough to go on to my everyday walking to school buddy. My halarious nerf herder to my brilliant dad. My year 8 english class chats to every single one of my skype conversations. So just to annoy all you readers, I'mma write a few down ;D
-Sitting in a Hotel room with my brother, in Florida, putting our tiny, keyring teddybears on a moving fan and watching them fly across the room. Sadly, I lost that bear that very holiday.
-My dad bursting into Monty Python sketches for me and my friends entertainment.
-Me and my dads' friday night movie. We no longer do this.
-Me and my dad going out for long bike rides, and sitting in pubsdrinking our blackcurrant and lemonade.
-The crazy chats me and Josh would have in 8EPL.
- Making a maze for my hamster out of ALL our DVD's, CD's, books and my brother warhammer. Brilliant.
- Every single conversation I've ever had with Pippa Higgins.
- Beth's dolphin.
- My amazing geography lessons with the one and only Nina Chen. We're high on life.
- Naming fish after random shops with Amber.
- Crying my eyes out with Pip at Forest Gump.
- Making Ellie, Louise and Ala laugh, everyday.
- Feeling like powerful year 9's when we STOP BULLYING. Seriously, we do.
- Beth randomly sitting up in bed and speaking Basque. Her giggling (more of a deep manly laugh actually) at Michael McIntyre, and replaying over and over and over "TOSS ME OFF!".
- Being chased around HMV by Pippa, who was yelling "BUY JEDWARD! BUY JEDWARD!" and waving a Planet Jedward CD in my face.
- Playing THE Game. Everyday, for one hour at lunch break for a whole year.
- Making up imaginary worlds with Georgia Radley.
- Having a massive shoe-hunt game at Fifth Road park.
- Saundersfoot. Walking with my Dad, Ben attacking me as soon as my parents are out of the house we rent, Ben making me guess the password so that I jam his iPod.
- Playing teddies with Ben. Playing FIFA with Ben and scoring too many own goals to count. Paying Nightfire with Ben, and being killed multiple times BY HIM.
- Getting scared of the zombies in Black Ops and running away, leaving Ben to die.
- My brilliant conversations I've had with Fiona Gorham.
- Getting 100% thrashed by Ben and James at football.
- Stonebridge reunions. Seeing my cool american Aunt, seeing my cool American cousins, all sitting in Granny's garden talking.
- Feeling all warm and fuzzy inside whenever I hear that little James still remembers me, and shouts "Millie! Millie!" if he see's a photo of me.
- Being pushed around in a wheelbarrow by my Grandpy.
- Watching Paranormal Activity for the first time with Ellie, and staying up for ages and chatting.
- Making my own little soap operas with my Bratz dolls.
THANK YOU TO ANYONE I'VE MENTIONED. You're all fantasmical. <333

Sunday, 15 May 2011

It doesn't add up

I have a lot going on in my life, I reckon.Well, an average amount for an average 13 year old girl. I have good friends, a great brother, brilliant memories. But how is it as soon as I'm left on my own, I feel so crazily alone? That I feel so stupid for thinking people actually like me? As soon as I have time to think, my mind goes crazy and there's nothing good about me at all. I have friends; brilliant, lovely friends, but I feel so unwanted by them. They don't understand how insecure I am, how I need things, people to make me feel better. I hate feeling like this. But I feel I'm here to past time...people like me...but ARGH. I don't know. Ramble ramble ramble. Sorry readers. I DO like my life, I LOVE my friends, but something is missing! A couple of weeks ago, I thought my life was perfect, but now I'm back to days of wishing, hoping and living in a dreamland. Dreamland is nice...but its fake. It makes everything worse, knowing things I can't have or find or get or have lost. I have no idea what I'm talking about. Things will get better though...they always do in the end.

Thursday, 5 May 2011

I'm no superman....

These past few days have been pretty bad. Sorry, I KNOW you don't want to hear about sad, pathetic life, but hey, you decided to read so this, so blame yourself. Believe me, I'm not a negative person. I do honestly try and be happy everyday and get the most out of life, but...people are always expecting things of me. They want me to be happy, and if I'm not then there's no point in talking to me. If I'm sad then I'm useless. Unless I'm cheering someone up, I have no purpose in life apparantly. I HATE when people assume they know me, or know how I'm feeling. Because they don't. No one cares about hurting MY feelings, because I'm not really here. I'm just here to make a few jokes, give a few hugs, then get shunted. There's always someone better than me, and I'm not saying I want to be worshipped and followed around by Merry Men, I just want people to understand that if I'm not happy then it's usually for a reason. But instead I'm ignored, pushed, invisible, forced to make conversation and if I don't meet expectations then left well alone. Everyones so blunt with me. I feel constantly in the wrong; I'm told by everyone what I did wrong, how they would'nt have done, how stupid it was of me, laughed at, then pushed away leaving me feeling like a small child. I try so hard to keep myself and my friends happy, I try so hard to be civil with my family, I try so hard, but it seems I'm barely worth anything to most people.
(8) Ohh, I can't do this all on my own. No, I know, that I'm no superman.

Friday, 29 April 2011

The Parker.

Bethany Kate Parker. I LOVE THAT GIRL. I can't even describe it. Anyone who knows her, knows she's utterly brilliant. She's completely herself at all times, and if someone doesn't like it, then thats their problem. She's witty. She's opinionated. She's gorgeous. She's exciting. She's sweet. She's smart. She's adorable. She's generous. She's GENUINE. Hardly anyone these days is so themselves. They all strive to be the "right" thing but Beth just doesn't care. She could easily follow the trend, but she doesn't and that adds to her charm, and it's what makes her her own. She's a collection of the things that are right in the world; I mean, I can barely think of a thing wrong with her. I can't believe simply a couple of months ago, she was barely in my life. In that space of time, I've baptised her, she's had her first midnight feast, she started my blog, we've swapped wardrobes, she's just made me a better person. Everything I need in a best friend was handed to me, perfectly wrapped up with a sharp-frame of mind and a beautiful face.
I'm so proud I'm going to be her Maid of Honour when HE pops the question :') We're already planning the wedding, and shopping for the dress will be the best experience of my life I can imagine right now. She means everything to me really. Hearing her German Duck laugh, makes me giggle for a stupidly long time. Hugging her randomly in passing makes my day. Having hour long chats with her at 4 a.m makes me feel so close and loved. She's my sister, to offer me pearls of wisdom about life. She's my cool Auntie, the one who tells you random gossip. She's my twin, to always, always be there, who literally CAN'T be scribbled out. She's the best friend I dreamed of, to keep me sane, keep me happy, keep me on the right path. She is my sunshine, who can brighten up every dark corner with her dinosaur walk. She's crazy, makes a great dolphin (even if it is WRONG and INAPROPRIATE) and is down-right fantastical. I love you Boo. <3

Thursday, 21 April 2011

I wish it was raining...

It's too warm. I think the seasons have got confused, and summer's decided to come on out, and shunt spring. Unfortunatly for me, summer isn't my kind of month. I LOVE autumn and winter, when you can wrap up warm, go to bed early and feel snuggly when the rain is pounding on the windows, and you're in bed dozing. Then theres the chance of snow, which pretty much makes my year. And of course Christmas. I love Christmas, as does everyone I'm sure. I love waking up to a full stocking at 4.00am, then waking up my brother (this is a long-standing tradition) and then opening my presents with him, then probably playing Call of Duty untill 7.00am, then running into my parents room to wake them up. Thats been the routine for several years now. Winter's just so much more relaxing. In summer, everythings so high maintenance, everyones so worried about what they look like, about what to wear, and what do do. But right now, I'm in one of my drifty moods. I'm not really here or there, and my only thought is that I wish it was raining. I can't really explain this, it's just down to the fact that, as I'm looking through my window right now, the weather is so bland. The sky's full of clouds, practically all white, theres no breeze, theres nothing. It looks empty. Raining would be something for it to do. I love rain (another reason why I love living in England) and I'm sure if it was raining right now, my mood would DO something. Right now, I feel as bland as the weather. My heads full of pointless questions, and I'm sick of the childish dramas of teen life. I'm sick of being made to feel like I'm constantly in the wrong. I'm sick of having to tiptoe around my family, around "friends". I hate days like these. When I'm left with too much to dwell on, and I end up getting angry with life. I feel frustrated, I feel boxed in, and I want out. I need the rain. It will calm me down, and quite literaly wash away my annoyance. I need to vent so you my lucky readers, are left with this rubbish. Yay. Just...when will people realise you only get one chance at life, and wasting it by being pathetic is not the way go about it? What gives some people the right to belittle you everyday of your life, and theres nothing you can do about it? Bloody Stella Artois.

Tuesday, 19 April 2011

Childish dramas.

When I was little I wanted to be a pokemon trainer. Well, truth be told, I still do a little bit. As I grew older I went through phases; I wanted to be a vet, an author, I was a tomboy, I didn't care, I tried too hard. But I remember I always thought I'd grow out of these phases as I got older. "When I'm older..." a commonly used phrase. We all seemed to think there would be a day when we'd spring out of bed and be "older". I used to think being a teenager was a big deal. But now I realise just how small I am. I've got my whole life ahead of me, and yet I feel like I've faced so many traumas, when I've led such a sheltered life. I feel so selfish, when I wake up and count the things wrong with my life. To be fair, I don't do this a whole lot. I hate being depressed, but now and again you can't escape it. But back to the point, there isn't a whole lot wrong with my life. Anyone who knows me knows I don't have the best family life, but its not the worst either. But I just thought I'd escaped those petty, childish fights. It seems not. How can one person make you feel so worthless? How can one person wreck an entire year of your life, and then just sit there stubbornly acting like a victim? How can one person, who you would've trusted with your life actually strike fear into your heart? I don't know the answers to these questions, these petty, shallow questions. Why can't some people just grow up, and stop trying to pick fights they're clearly going to lose? Why must everything be such a big drama!? Hypocrytical, I know. I just wish you could be yourself in life, without being judged, hated or exhiled for it. But I do miss the old days, when you could play "Lets Pretend" (THE game ftw!) and nothing was too serious. I know teenagers these days are always saying it, that we wish we could be young again, but it's true. Life was simpler back then...nonetheless I wouldn't trade these years of my life for anything. They havn't been all sunshine and rainbows but they've been good. I've finally found a balance of friends who I know I can trust with anything, and I'm finally comfortable. I'm just happy with where I am in life, and I will leave you with one last thought. To quote 10 Things I Hate About You (great film. WATCH IT.) "Don't let anyone ever make you feel like you don't deserve what you want. Go for it."

Monday, 18 April 2011

Perfect.

Perfect. Everyone wants it. Everyone strives to be perfect, to be someone they're not, to change for other people. And quite frankly, it's just sad. Seeing all the inncocent children, knowing that one day they'll be facing teenage dramas, and indeed changing themselves. When you look at fresh-faced year sevens, you know in a few years they will undoubtedly be lying in their room, crying over so and so, weeping over whats-his-face, and eventually disolve into a senseless pile of nothingness. Perfect makes people do things, things which make them unhappy, but hey, its fine because it means you'll be perfect. Honestly, I can't imagine anything worse than being perfect. The fun,the spontaneity would just be gone out of life. Sure, being happy all the time would be nice, but being sad makes us human. Having emotions is just brilliant! It may not seem so, when you're bawling in your bedroom over what who-said-what, or when you're screaming your head off but can you imagine how dull life would be without them!? Being imperfect is just great in my opinion. Right now, this second as I write this, I feel just brillaint. Whether it's because its my first blog post, or being I'm watching Michael McIntyre, or because Beth is giggling weakly at Michael but I feel content. These are the moments in life which are worth living for, the ones that stick with you, because they mean something. Perfect takes all that away. Perfect is cold, hard, shiny plastic. I may not have a perfect life but at least I'm happy, and at the end of the day thats all you can really ask for.