Tuesday, 19 April 2011
When I was little I wanted to be a pokemon trainer. Well, truth be told, I still do a little bit. As I grew older I went through phases; I wanted to be a vet, an author, I was a tomboy, I didn't care, I tried too hard. But I remember I always thought I'd grow out of these phases as I got older. "When I'm older..." a commonly used phrase. We all seemed to think there would be a day when we'd spring out of bed and be "older". I used to think being a teenager was a big deal. But now I realise just how small I am. I've got my whole life ahead of me, and yet I feel like I've faced so many traumas, when I've led such a sheltered life. I feel so selfish, when I wake up and count the things wrong with my life. To be fair, I don't do this a whole lot. I hate being depressed, but now and again you can't escape it. But back to the point, there isn't a whole lot wrong with my life. Anyone who knows me knows I don't have the best family life, but its not the worst either. But I just thought I'd escaped those petty, childish fights. It seems not. How can one person make you feel so worthless? How can one person wreck an entire year of your life, and then just sit there stubbornly acting like a victim? How can one person, who you would've trusted with your life actually strike fear into your heart? I don't know the answers to these questions, these petty, shallow questions. Why can't some people just grow up, and stop trying to pick fights they're clearly going to lose? Why must everything be such a big drama!? Hypocrytical, I know. I just wish you could be yourself in life, without being judged, hated or exhiled for it. But I do miss the old days, when you could play "Lets Pretend" (THE game ftw!) and nothing was too serious. I know teenagers these days are always saying it, that we wish we could be young again, but it's true. Life was simpler back then...nonetheless I wouldn't trade these years of my life for anything. They havn't been all sunshine and rainbows but they've been good. I've finally found a balance of friends who I know I can trust with anything, and I'm finally comfortable. I'm just happy with where I am in life, and I will leave you with one last thought. To quote 10 Things I Hate About You (great film. WATCH IT.) "Don't let anyone ever make you feel like you don't deserve what you want. Go for it."